My mum asked me, "you feel disappointed is it?"
i went, "yes a little."
i would love to say no, not at all. but i guess disappointment always surfaces
when one does not do up to expectations. In a way, disappointment seems like a
butterfly.

If you treat it positively with a smile, it will seem beautiful
and strong to you. With wings which look so weak, yet they are able to fly so freely. You would like it to be around you, and you will probably be motivated by its character.

If you treat negatively, like it is a bug, you would want to
chase it away. The more you try to chase it away, the larger the fear of it coming
back.

Now, at this point of my life, i seem to be helplessly trying to climb out of
a bottomless pit. It is tiring and painful to always fall after putting in effort.
So now comes my choice,
Do i succumb to the fatigue and pain and give up?
Do i grit my teeth and let the pain gradually leave me whie i continue this climb?

I told my mum i would move on.
and i really will move on, because i know remain standing at the position which
i did not do up to expectations would just leave me further and further away from
my dream.

So i'll push on. If i have give up some things which i cherish a lot to put my
academic back on track, i would have to pull up the courage to do so.
And i know i can, if i believe in myself.

A little part of me does fear the stares by people around me.
And if i were to say this is human nature, i guess many would say that's just
another excuse. Well, true, i'm someone who fears the talk of the others.
I will learn to grow out this, slowly. And mummy always tell me,
"you live your life for yourself. So why should care about how others view you?"
yes indeed :)

if i have chance to live my life again, i would still live it the same way.
just the way God has arranged it to be. I'm blessed.